I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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