he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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