She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
