Whats the count minus fat chicks?
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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