She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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