Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Randomize
