I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
