I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
