i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Mom said you looked used
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
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