I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
