Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
