Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
