jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
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