It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
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