im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
you mean i was at the winter classic?
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
