how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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