all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Randomize
