the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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