Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
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