He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Vodka?
Forever.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
