my phone needs a breathalizer
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
