get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
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