you're like a bully in the Christmas story
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
