No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Randomize