this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
