you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
