Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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