Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
where does the pee come out of this thing
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Randomize
