she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
My vagina just recognized that song.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
Randomize