I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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