God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I can tuck mytits in my pants
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
