very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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