i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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