dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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