Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
So squirting runs in the family.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
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