i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
