jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
