Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
