I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
