God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
