I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize
