he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize