While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
So here I am, sexting at work.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
