He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
