I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
