he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
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