The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
