There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Actions speak louder than pants.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
