Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
