when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
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