the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Randomize
