her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
