dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Randomize
