I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
