so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
