I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Randomize
