Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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