I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Everything about him screamed your future.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
