My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
