So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I need a beard to bite.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
