UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
