Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Randomize
