she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
