i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
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