his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
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