if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
