she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
Randomize
