If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
