Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Can Purell be used as lube?
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
