She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
