He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
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