Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
