I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
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