Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
