We won't sleep together?
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
