Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
