I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
