Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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