I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
