Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
