Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
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