Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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