So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
