Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Randomize
